When I had initially written my first blog post on Gluten Free”, I sat on it for a few days before publishing. Not that I have a mass following, but I think it might post to facebook too, and that felt about as “putting yourself out there” as those dreams where you find yourself walking into class naked. I wanted to be sure I was really on board with going GF and I felt like “putting it out there” would put it more in stone.
Nope.
I actually felt really awkward about putting so much personal information out there and advertising it. Not immediately but more while I was out, away from my computer and couldn’t do squat about it.
Anyway….My mind has been through the wringer this past week. Tuesday, 9/16 was my first official “Gluten Free” day. I posted the blog the following Friday. In the mean time, my mind had gone every which way, up down and sideways, knowing it is what I need to do for my health but feeling a lot of guilt over the added expense it becomes to grocery shop (shout out to Aldi and their “LiveGFree” line- more on that later), guilt over new challenge I/we face while going out, and toss in a smidgen of self-pity mixed with “I have no idea what I am doing, I am seemingly now always ravenous, what the heck can I eat”, and it pretty much made a perfect storm of mental chaos. My mind was in complete “obsess” mode. I get a bit obsessey about food anyway if I have to think about what I am eating as it is, but I was a bit nervous this might push me a bit too far and I’d end up not quite where I wanted to be on that end as well.
Until last night. All of a sudden, my mind was at peace. Calm. Quiet. We were on a walk and I was there on a walk with the kids and my husband. Physically I was on that walk, mentally I was on that walk. I was there running, laughing, chasing, smiling, feeling and having fun. I haven’t felt really embedded into a moment and not distracted like that in a while. I believe it was God giving me my answer. It was like the question (gf/no gf) no longer existed. The worry, stress and weight was gone. It will all get figured out as it needs to. So it’s done. And I am on board and contently so. Trying to ignore the Costco blueberry muffin calling my name in the cabinet.
This week on my Gluten Free journey, I have learned:
+ Aldi’s Gluten Free line (“Live Gfree”) has yet to disappoint….granted all I have tried is the pizza dough, “Hot Pockets”,tortillas and pasta (could NOT taste the difference with sauce) .I made the pizza crust earlier in the week so I had something for pizza night. The box made 2 crusts. One I saved for pizza night, the other I have been using for bread with soup (Again with Aldi- their “Simply Nature” Lentil soup was quite tasty too!). My husband could not tell the difference between my crust and store-bought. I call it a success!! The tortillas I could tell were not the same as flour tortillas, but they still satisfied my shredded-colby-cheese-and-pepperoni-wrap addiction.
+Cooking: I am doing a bit more cooking than I was. I am trying to plan ahead (premade pizza crusts!) and get some of the things I can make ahead done during naptime. I am, thankfully, finding cooking relaxing again. At least this week. Thanks to my neighbor’s thoughtfulness, I now have an awesome GF cookbook holding the secret to making “Real Sandwich Bread”, “Old-Fashioned Birthday Cake” and “New York-Style Pizza”.
+ENERGY!! I almost forgot- my energy has been improving. I am in no way complaining, and yes, I am knocking on wood for this one.
+Less stress (anxiety?)….I feel more calm and better able to take things that would normally test my patience with a lot less seriousness. I am more able to not “sweat the small stuff”. I feel nicer. Calmer. More of the mom I want to be. My mind seems calmer and quieter too, helping me to stay “in the present”.
+There is a new sense of excitement when I look on the back of something and see “Naturally Gluten-Free” stamped right there, in all of its helpful glory. It’s like my soul smiles.
+I almost feel like I didn’t realize how bad I was feeling or how good I could feel until just very recently. Hopefully this continues.
+ I have some of the most supportive, encouraging and thoughtful friends on the planet!
+I am hoping to make my own breads and flours and what not. I think it makes more sense to do that than to spend $6 on a loaf of “bread” that I have heard mixed reviews about.
At the beginning of this journey, I did have some headaches. Sunday I didn’t have a chance to drink my coffee before church. That ended up being borderline migraine, so back to coffee I went in the afternoon. Glad I did. It’s pretty delicious. Day 4 and 5 I had hives, which I read was from the toxins (in this case, gluten?) trying to get out of your system. My medicine seemed to feel stronger for a day or two too, but thankfully that balanced itself out before the heart palpitations stayed and freaked me out. Then I stopped paying attention, figuring if something needed my attention it would jump out at me. I seem to have survived thus far.
I think what I really am most surprised about is the energy and patience. During the day, I am up and doing things during the kids’ naptime, not feeling like I need a mental (or physical) break. I ran again this week for the first time in far too long. I paid no attention to time or distance. Just ran to run. Even though I was on a treadmill, it felt so freeing. 33 weeks to the next Half Marathon. Hopefully I still feel this way when it is time to start training again.
So, that in a nutshell sums up week 1. Learning curve for sure, but it feels so much more do-able than it did. Between “One day at a time” and focusing on what I can have rather than what I can’t, I am starting to find my way.
Until next time!
mommamer 